I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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