Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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