Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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