I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
