i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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