her vagine was all disorganized.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
