o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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