Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
