I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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