I wish I could punch you in the face.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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