How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
