There is no way he is gay with that hair.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
