why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
