wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
