i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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