would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
