i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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