She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
