Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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