I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
