I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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