we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
