i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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