Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
