I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
