What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
