lets start a swedish sibling band together
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
