Having a random hookup so left but love u
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
