if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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