even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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