I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
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my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
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I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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