he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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