I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
