"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
two words: eviction party
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
