i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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