She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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