pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
