Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
