Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
