So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
