Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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