I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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