I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
