dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
