You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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