Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
