He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize