Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
