He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.