im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.