Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
thus making me awesome and them whores
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.