seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.