I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
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I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
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I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless