If that was your dad, he is hot
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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