You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
