Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
