WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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