But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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