I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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