I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
