Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
