jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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