I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
