You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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