So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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