just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
