Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
