put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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