so that wasnt chicken after all
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
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You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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