Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
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