I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
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I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
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Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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