I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
